Since I am on spring break, I have decided it is the appropriate time to discuss something dire. Ladies and gentlemen, we are doomed. In fact, we are so doomed that I don’t think it really matters anymore.
Allow me to explain myself. Actually, allow someone else to explain it to you. Senator John Kerry (who served in Vietnam), explained on the radio that, “I can say to an absolute certainty that if things stay exactly as they are today absent some unpredictable change in what's going on, within the next 30 years the Arctic ice sheet is gone… Already you have the Greenland ice sheet beginning to melt ... If that melts, you have a level of sea level increase that wipes out Boston Harbor, New York Harbor - I mean, it's just stunning what we're looking at.”
Good glory! Sounds awful, doesn’t it? Now of course, that would be simply a disaster. However, I’m not worried about it. You see, we don’t even have to worry about the ice caps. Our planet will be long dead by that point. Al Gore, by way of his friend, explained to us some time ago that he “… believes humans may have only 10 years left to save the planet from turning into a total frying pan.” This frying pan would be the result of global warming.
Good glory! That is even worse. Forget about melting ice caps, we’re all going to be dead 20 years before that happens. I’ve got a question about all this, especially Al Gore’s revelation – what’s the point? Do you really think it will be possible for us, even with the Kyoto Treaty, to mend this damage before we all die? Seems to me that even in the dreams of liberals, we’re already dead! Maybe that’s why John Kerry’s family (a separate entity from John Kerry, as we all know) owns several SUVs, five obscenely large mansions, a jet liner, and a yacht, all of which are polluters. John Kerry knows it is futile to try to stop our inevitable death.
In the mean time, before I die of heat stroke from Al Gore’s frying pan or drown from John Kerry’s floods, I’m going to go up and enjoy several days of snowboarding in the above average snow pack of several world class Colorado ski resorts (I snowboard, I don’t ski – skiers are crazy and unsafe on the slopes, so I refuse to be a part of them).
Another fine lesson from Conservative Textbook.